FOR THE RECORD

I meant everything I said last night. I'd want a daughter like you. Honor, Integrity, Kind, Intelligent, Feeling, Evolving, Professional, Fun Loving, Respected, Loving person.

We all have pain we keep inside. Some of us NEED our pain, we draw strength from it. We use it to trigger emotional releases when we've had enough, but the dam holding back the release of everything built up inside is too strong and can't be cracked by anything except the ONE most painful memory, or thought we keep inside. That pain triggers the release and again, we become strong (rebuild the dam), sometimes with our friends help and support, and we hold the waters back again so we can function like normal people until we've had our fill again and need a release.

We got rid of a lot tonight, we're rebuilding today, and by tonight we'll be back to normal, maybe a little stronger then normal. Some things we can never let go of, some fears we can't, or choose not to let go of. They guide us. We use them to check where we are and where we're headed, compared to where we want to be and what path we need to take. A compass if you will.

We'll be ok, we're doing good, I think they're happy. No need to feel guilty when you feel happy to be alive. Afterall, if we were gone wouldn't we be happy for others we love that they're still alive, and wish them well? No guilt, lets just honor them by living as much as possible. It's what they want, so lets do it. She wants a drink every October 9th too. LOL

I love you, I love Nan, I even love your dad though I never saw him, not until now anyway. I think I've met him, through you and your eyes. He lives in your heart and soul so I think I get to touch a part of him by being around you. How could I not love that person, without him and everything he added to you and how he loves you, what his life taught you, time spent with you, just everything. He raised a wonderful daughter in extremely hard times. I respect that, I respect him. Think about that. YOU make it possible for people that never saw him eye to eye to meet him and respect him. You bring honor to him by doing so. He'll never die. He'll live on in you and your family, and every person you touch, and who they touch, and so on, because he's part of you. I should be so lucky later in life to have kids that do that for me...

Goodnight, sweet dreams, I'll see you world when it's light outside again. Love always Stace. Miss you Jess and love you, keep having fun in NY.