This is what I mean...

I had a chat with someone about neglecting friends that are in your daily face to face life, in favor of what I thought was an unhealthy amount of internet and phone friends time today. I'm talking 10 plus hours a day, on a GOOD day. I tried my best to be clear about it, and I thought everyone was on the same page after we had time away to think. But in reality nothing's changed.

This time it's worse, actual plans were made, special dinner purchased and baked, time taken to make the bread, and then everyone bailed out on Jess. IT HURT SO BAD TO SEE HER EYES, she was like, "no one wants to spend time with me after they said they would" she didn't say that but it was in her eyes.

The last thing I expected was someone bailing out in favor of a 1 hour plus phone call. I think it's fucked up and selfish, but what do I know, I'm just the overbearing, pressuring, co-dependent friend. This is exactly what I was talking about though. It's so easy to get wrapped up in something new or different, that you forget to take care of what you already have. It won't take care of it's self. You'll have 10 extra minutes tomorrow, shut the fuck up and follow through! I hope the call was worth it, because it was pretty shitty in my eyes.

Be mad at my comments, I know you read my journal. Doesn't change what I feel. If I bailed out on you to take a call with someone I already CONSTANTLY talk to, when you were looking forward to my company for an evening, you'd be pissed that I shit on your effort.

I felt so bad for Jessie, but it was girls night and there wasn't anything I could do when I asked her. I really felt bad and it pisses me off and even hurts to think about it. How selfish.