All about farts- Quotes from Dad

Yesterday on the golf course-

*FFAARRRT*- "Well buddy, I may have just shit myself."

*FFAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTT*- "Put THAT on your websites!"

Today- *WET FAAARRRT*- "Oh, that one may have needed paper."

I love my dad, but MY GOD I can never become this crude, ever.

So many things I've heard here, from so many people... TOO much advice.