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Not Sleepin'
Oct. 15th, 2009 02:58 amHere I am futzing around on Mr. Crackberry at an ungodly hour, when I'd think I'd have earned some sleep. I walked 4 miles today down, then up the 20% grade by my house. So why am I up, I'm so glad you asked!? (See, being a Gemini, I can do that, asking myself questions, are you jealous?)
I hate October for the most part. My sister Bobbi is a Halloween baby, other than that, serious suckage. Nan was born and died in October, Jen pretty much nuked my life as I knew it in October of 2008, sooooo it's not happy time in Mikeeeee land every year. Why is this one different? More things are missed and I have time to think about it. Lots of time.
No pumpkin shopping and carving during Monday Night Football with lil squirt. No trips to the patch to pick them out. No retarded looking Jen pumpkin... Didn't realize I looked forward to a funny looking design every year. Trick or treating with a munchkin. With THE lil munchkin... It just feels shitty, straight up. And I have lots of time to think about it as I get edged out by people with little experience in the work areas I specialize in, because they have degrees that aren't even related to their field of work... Wtf really?
I have this nifty new crackberry though, and I put Pandora on it in addition to a 4GB chip to make it hold all the crap I can fit on it. Neat huh?
In very important areas such as helping others I'm making progress, gaining the endorsement of the states leading hard-ass for my IC rating at CAP. I've run more missions then I care to think about this year and kinda just want to go in the field. Which brings us to Kate, newest member of Squadron 23.
I don't mean to make it sound like I'm not completely happy with Michelle in my life, I really am. It's where I should be, where I want to be. It doesn't mean I don't still hurt for what's happened in the not so distant past. Perhaps this is the last of the "firsts" pertaining to my life in Santa Rosa. I've had my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, etc, without. But, I was there for Halloween last year. As hard as it was god damnit I was THERE. Even if the only one that made me feel wanted was shorty, it was more than enough to take the horrible cold treatment I was getting from someone that "cared". Yeah, I'm still sore, it still hurts, probably always will in some manner.
I don't want to be anywhere else, but this just hurts. I hate this month.
I hate October for the most part. My sister Bobbi is a Halloween baby, other than that, serious suckage. Nan was born and died in October, Jen pretty much nuked my life as I knew it in October of 2008, sooooo it's not happy time in Mikeeeee land every year. Why is this one different? More things are missed and I have time to think about it. Lots of time.
No pumpkin shopping and carving during Monday Night Football with lil squirt. No trips to the patch to pick them out. No retarded looking Jen pumpkin... Didn't realize I looked forward to a funny looking design every year. Trick or treating with a munchkin. With THE lil munchkin... It just feels shitty, straight up. And I have lots of time to think about it as I get edged out by people with little experience in the work areas I specialize in, because they have degrees that aren't even related to their field of work... Wtf really?
I have this nifty new crackberry though, and I put Pandora on it in addition to a 4GB chip to make it hold all the crap I can fit on it. Neat huh?
In very important areas such as helping others I'm making progress, gaining the endorsement of the states leading hard-ass for my IC rating at CAP. I've run more missions then I care to think about this year and kinda just want to go in the field. Which brings us to Kate, newest member of Squadron 23.
I don't mean to make it sound like I'm not completely happy with Michelle in my life, I really am. It's where I should be, where I want to be. It doesn't mean I don't still hurt for what's happened in the not so distant past. Perhaps this is the last of the "firsts" pertaining to my life in Santa Rosa. I've had my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, etc, without. But, I was there for Halloween last year. As hard as it was god damnit I was THERE. Even if the only one that made me feel wanted was shorty, it was more than enough to take the horrible cold treatment I was getting from someone that "cared". Yeah, I'm still sore, it still hurts, probably always will in some manner.
I don't want to be anywhere else, but this just hurts. I hate this month.
