Wow... you know, as a volunteer that works with law enforcement from time to time, I know and fully accept the meaning of "Observe and Report."

Some people might take it too far and in the rare instance someone gets hurt due to no one thinking clearly (a la the soon to be Zimmerman case in Florida).

However, if you want to be a mouthpiece for one side or the other, please, as to not drive me nuts, don't try to profit off of it or protect your Intellectual Property.

There's a sign being shown on media outlets with a giant Trademark (TM) symbol next to the content...

Really??

For the record, what I mean by, "no one thinking clearly"- You don't really need to aggressively chase someone as part of "Observe and Report" protocol, and you don't need to run away from someone looking at you funny. As a matter of fact the smart thing to do would be to stop and report the person following you to police, stay in a public/visible place, and wait for a unit to arrive to straighten things out/help you.

In other words, no one was thinking clearly that day.

Instead you have chases and maybe a fight the leads to a gunshot. I don't know, I wasn't there, and I'm not willing to drown myself in all the media hype/reports. All I know is police said not enough evidence to prosecute, a special prosecutor skipped the grand jury process probably because they wouldn't have indicted (so how do you ever expect to get a conviction??), and they will probably bring charges for political purposes instead of "justice", in order to play CYA with the voting public.

"See, I brought charges, that dumb jury didn't understand the law. It's their fault for finding him not guilty. Elect me to office now since I'm so strong! OH, or give me a nice job at DOJ!"

It's kind of a sick game now.

Russell Simmons (Def Comedy Jam, Hip Hop Music Industry, and other projects) says he's happy to pay more taxes. Ok, cool.

PASS THIS ALONG TO YOUR FAVORITE RICH LIBERAL- For anyone that thinks taxes should be higher, you're happy to pay more, I'll give you a hint- You can pay more anytime you want. Wanna know how?? This will totally help you sleep better at night-

You can break out that check book and send a gift to the public debt:

Gift to pay the public debt

Mailing address:

Attn Dept G
Bureau of the Public Debt
P. O. Box 2188
Parkersburg, WV 26106-2188

SO, if you're convinced that tax increases are needed, and you know your rich rear end can take the hit, feel free to send in your cash (and leave the rest of us alone). There's no excuse, I've provided you with the means. AND, YOU'LL EVEN NEED TO BUY A STAMP, HELPING TO FUND THE POST OFFICE! As a matter of fact, send it Priority Mail or Overnight!

DON'T WAIT OR COMPLAIN THAT YOU'RE GETTING OFF TOO EASILY, THAT THE BUSH TAX CUTS ARE UNFAIR, PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR BIG MOUTH IS (Warren Buffett, et al), WRITE A CHECK TO THE TREASURY TODAY AS A GIFT TO PAY DOWN THE DEBT! STOP TALKING BIG AND ACT! BE "FAIR" TO EVERYONE ELSE AND GIVE BACK YOUR EVIL TAX BENEFIT TODAY!

If you say you wouldn't mind more/higher taxes, then pick up your check book, write that bad-boy out, send it in. C'mon Michael Moore, and the rest of you big talkers, let's see you give that money away you say you shouldn't have been allowed to keep, that you earned. Show us all a copy of your cancelled check proving that you're giving back all of that evil tax savings you say was wrong...

Only then will I take you seriously.

They act as if they were forced to keep their money, that the big-bad tax man forced more dollars into their accounts.

"Oh, Uncle Sam just held me up at gunpoint, and pushed hundred dollar bills into my pocket that I wanted to pay in taxes, it was horrible, I need to be comforted, hold me!"

Question, exactly how many accountants and tax preparers do you think Mr. Simmons hires every year to get maximum tax breaks on his return? How about Warren Buffett?

Surely they can order their tax filer to not take the tax breaks they're entitled to if they feel they should pay more, right? Maybe they're just trying to be hyper-accurate? Hey, more power to them, good for them, employ people to do your paperwork, it's the American way to hire help when you need it if you can afford it. Just don't come crying to the media about a non-existent problem, like being forced to keep your money.

They can give it away anytime they wish, directly to the government. Use the address I gave above and your conscience will be clear, you'll be able to sleep at night once again knowing you gave back your tax break directly to the government caretakers that do such a good job spending us into oblivion buying votes for re-election.

BTW- No one has a duty to pay a cent more in taxes then they owe by law. It's not patriotic to do so, not at all. Giving the rest of us our money back so we in our local community can choose what programs to fund locally via direct donation where it actually would make a difference versus using it to buy votes at the state/federal level, that would be patriotic. Some taxes are needed, paying for defense and diplomatic expenses, interstate communications, infrastructure/roads, etc. But not the rest of it. Social programs should be a local elective, not a federal spending mandate. If California wants to fund unemployment benefits, and food programs, leave it to California voters to vote/pay for it. Don't take money from North Carolina to pay for Alaska's programs through a "federal grant", or take from California to pay for New York's programs/earmarks. It's as unjust as it gets; theft under color of authority.

Money doesn't need to leave Oakland, to go to Sacramento, to go to Washington D.C., to come back to Sacramento, to come back to Oakland. Besides, at every stop it's being drained on administration and siphoned off to other programs you'll never know about, until a tiny amount is all that's left, and we're supposed to be "thankful" any came back at all... OR it's money from loans from other countries our children's-children's-children won't even be able to pay back. Pure foolishness.

So, why do we let it happen that way? Are we that lazy? When did people decide to go blind?

Here I am futzing around on Mr. Crackberry at an ungodly hour, when I'd think I'd have earned some sleep. I walked 4 miles today down, then up the 20% grade by my house. So why am I up, I'm so glad you asked!? (See, being a Gemini, I can do that, asking myself questions, are you jealous?)

I hate October for the most part. My sister Bobbi is a Halloween baby, other than that, serious suckage. Nan was born and died in October, Jen pretty much nuked my life as I knew it in October of 2008, sooooo it's not happy time in Mikeeeee land every year. Why is this one different? More things are missed and I have time to think about it. Lots of time.

No pumpkin shopping and carving during Monday Night Football with lil squirt. No trips to the patch to pick them out. No retarded looking Jen pumpkin... Didn't realize I looked forward to a funny looking design every year. Trick or treating with a munchkin. With THE lil munchkin... It just feels shitty, straight up. And I have lots of time to think about it as I get edged out by people with little experience in the work areas I specialize in, because they have degrees that aren't even related to their field of work... Wtf really?

I have this nifty new crackberry though, and I put Pandora on it in addition to a 4GB chip to make it hold all the crap I can fit on it. Neat huh?

In very important areas such as helping others I'm making progress, gaining the endorsement of the states leading hard-ass for my IC rating at CAP. I've run more missions then I care to think about this year and kinda just want to go in the field. Which brings us to Kate, newest member of Squadron 23.

I don't mean to make it sound like I'm not completely happy with Michelle in my life, I really am. It's where I should be, where I want to be. It doesn't mean I don't still hurt for what's happened in the not so distant past. Perhaps this is the last of the "firsts" pertaining to my life in Santa Rosa. I've had my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, etc, without. But, I was there for Halloween last year. As hard as it was god damnit I was THERE. Even if the only one that made me feel wanted was shorty, it was more than enough to take the horrible cold treatment I was getting from someone that "cared". Yeah, I'm still sore, it still hurts, probably always will in some manner.

I don't want to be anywhere else, but this just hurts. I hate this month.

WELLLL...

Going out on Sunday night, seeing a Steeler victory! Superbowl, it's SUPERBOWL time!

I'm going to miss the special Jen Artichoke-Spinach dip. =( The best part about it wasn't just the awesome flavor, it was the fact it was made with love and a smile. That fact was never lost on me which is why when I asked for it, I usually asked like a puppy dog.

BUT I might miss the game anyway with something that's coming up. I love this line... are you ready for it?

I'm not at liberty to discuss it.

I LOVE IT! It's as good as, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Now I need to buy some killer shades so I can look cool and mysterious. It's taken nearly 3 years to actually get on one of these crews and get a firm date that doesn't look like it's going to move. I've been scheduled and scrubbed a couple times. This time looks rock solid well in advance.

I had a date Sunday night as well. I have to admit given recent events I was thinking twice about even going on a date. I'm honestly shaken about how blind I was over a period of years and what I've learned from looking into a mirror, but also that I really don't trust many with anything deep right now. I can't hold things that happen to me against others. I'm looking forward in a big way to trying a new relationship on level ground.

I do want balance. I don't want to use someone. I became so accustom to someone giving and giving and sometimes looking for me to take for validation, I was SO DRUNK on that power... I like being the caretaker. I realized that 100% for sure a couple weeks ago. BALANCE. I need to find someone I can learn balance with. Maybe Anna can help me find it? AND WHY ARE ALL THE GOOD WOMEN ITALIAN? It's the eyes...

Her eyes made me feel, nervous. Again I don't know how much was my own fear about screwing up a relationship as I feel and know I did with Jennifer, or if it was all her gorgeous brown eyes and that smile that could melt steel. She's beautiful and I'm mediocre at best, so perhaps I'll get lucky twice and have a relationship with someone WAY better looking than me, again? Hey, I AM working on it at the gym damnit, but I'm a work in progress!! 6 months before I'm a size, what, 40? We're gettin' there, but will she have the patience? Will the e-mail I sent saying hello and asking permission to call tonight be answered, or will it fall on deaf ears, or straight out rejection? My money is on #3. I don't think I've earned the karma yet.

I spent Sunday night with Lindsay in the city chilling at her place. My housemate asked me for a private day at home so a "friend" could come over... I was really looking forward to a chill day, so I went to the city. Lindsay has been feeling horrible lately. We chilled briefly before lights out, and then she informed me she was working Monday. Damn, I had thought we'd have a day to tour the city! No worries, I actually parked my ass at Grind on Polk for hours on end drinking coffee, having a couple of my favorite danishes, watching Dogfights season 2 on DVD (THANK YOU STACEY!), doing squadron work, and work-work.

Then at 4:09p (hat's 0009 zulu for my geek friends), a call for a mission in Stockton came out. I accept after debating it for a few, ask my squadron CO to get the plane ready for launch, and try to find a crew in Stockton for a ground search. After I depart the coffee house, I get to Gnoss at 1740. It wasn't long before a computer snafu caused a launch delay. Also, the aircraft observer was delayed by traffic, so I made the call to switch Incident Command to someone else so I could toss on my flightsuit and get that aircraft airborne ASAP. By the time all was said and done, we were on the way by 1815 toward Stockton.

After finally picking up a weak signal RIGHT ON TOP of Stockton airport, we started to get confusing readings. Needles jumping all over the place. different on-field hotspots as we descended and scanned the field. The ground team reported having located the signal to the south. We thought it was on the north. The very wise Col. Peterson insisted we make 500 foot passes over the runway to help... but again we had confusing readings and were asked to land to assist.

We get on the ground, and before we turn off the engine, "CapFlight 404, Ground Team 1, ELT secured by owner on the south end of the field." Ok we're thinking in the plane, we'll get outta here... As we taxi back to the main runway, we hear an ELT. Obviously we were confused as hell and called them to verify- "GT1, CAPF404... We're hearing it NOW, are you sure you've shut it down?" "Affirm 404, we shut it down... maybe there's another active beacon??!!" That wasn't the half of it...

We get clearance to taxi back to the tower. We get out of our cozy, WARM plane. We start freezing our butts off. We meet the ground team and start our ground canvas... and as I walk I detect the signal, start walking to the north... and I hear a second signal break through the first. Is the class paying attention? That's not one, not 2, but 3 active ELT's on the same field. An ELT hat-trick in one night at the same airport. We secured 2 beacons in the end, and the 3rd was pinned to a hanger and is being researched this afternoon by the local FBO staff.

We took off, got back to Gnoss, I logged about an hour of time since I had a CFI sitting with me. My first entry in my new book, YAY! I got home at 0100. I fell asleep in my car until 2am, then got up and went to bed.

Now it's a work day, and things are jumping... A busy couple days.

So, what's the catch? Where is karma catching up to me? The catch is I want to go to Ahnna's birthday or at least maintain contact with her, and Jen will say no. I'm so afraid of the answer that 3 times I've tried to write and call, and 3 times I've been unable to dial or complete an email to her. We both were shitty to each other sometimes. What would I cash in some earned karma points for? A time where we can be face to face and give mutual forgiveness for EVERYTHING that wasn't right, and a genuine offer of friendship WITH the stones to back it up and follow-through.

Jennifer is someone I wanted to spend forever with. Of course I want the friendship and of course I will love her until the day I die. I'm ok with that, and I won't ever lie about that. I don't want her to feel any more pain about what happened, no more guilt. I deserved to feel what I've felt for the years that I didn't do all I could. And at the end for my REAL MATURE PAYBACK... I never wanted to hurt her and I knew if she ever found out what I did instead of confronting her, that it would hurt her badly... That's a reason I wished it had been a fact left to die over time. The other reason, completely selfish. I didn't want to be known for the ass I was, for what I did. I didn't want my mistake known, to have my retarded actions be front page news. Selfish me, to the end.

That part of my life MUST be in the past. I cannot live like that anymore, and I choose not to. I'm not perfect but I HAVE to be in this part of my life going forward. I cannot and will not put anyone I love through this pain, I will NOT take them for granted, I will NOT let them give up all the power, I WILL find balance with my love. I do want them to be exactly who they want to be.

Alright, where is your head? You're easily annoyed, and short tempered. You can't walk into a "build a bear" without having a break down.

The short version- It's not Christmas.

Meet Daniel, my Nephew. 2 months old. I want one of these!

I see him wringing his hands plotting his WORLD DOMINATION!

Why wasn't I looking at the camera? He had just farted, a lot,
right on my hands. It was getting warm. Ew. Welcome to the family.

Bobbi almost dropped my phone laughing as hard as she was. Surprisingly,
she held the camera still and took a pretty good picture without motion blur. What was I saying to him you you ask?

"Ohhhhhhh(picture taken, *CLICK*)hhhhhh yeah, thanks Daniel, my hands were cold, I appreciate that!"

Hm, we'll see how much one week can improve your physical situation...

Bad eating last night though, I shouldn't have had Denny's after picking up L at the airport. I felt HORRIBLE that she'd be taking BART late at night into a not so great part of town. I was more than happy to volunteer to get her. I like the airport anyway. Oh but bad, bad food! I probably gained a pound back. BAD MIKE, no mas.

Thursday was bad at the end... back out to William Hill for a meeting... I can't discuss it but I'll say this much, in a way I was glad to have a couple extra paid days off. It really let me recharge. Remember folks... Don't disclose anything to someone you don't trust, especially co-workers you never trusted, no matter how they sound like or act like your friend, because if they don't like you, they'll use it against you later in an attempt to, in a stealthy manor, undermine you and torpedo you. It's a shame this person couldn't have just come at me with a full broadside. Instead, I have to say it was well played... Ask for info, pretend to be a friend, then use it all against you. VERY nice, never saw it coming. But, I'm afraid, it was all for not as I'm still here, alive and kicking. Karma will be sure to give you yours in the end. It kicked my butt with Jen, it'll kick theirs, too.

Friday was great, time with Ahnna, enjoying the park, her company... Some very tough questions were raised. Dad quesitons, "when will we live together again," and an even heavier question. I did what I could to let her know where the limits were, and that she's so loved it's not even funny. Love isn't a problem between mom and I. We'd do practically anything for each other, whether we're bf/gf or not. We'd be there, even now, during any emergency, lending all we can to the other person. Love, at it's purest level, is NOT a problem, and Ahnna gets all of that from both of us, and I made sure she knows it in her heart. She smiled at the end and gave me lots of hugs.

After the big questions, another one about what the pledge is... "You know, every morning when you face the flag and put your hand on your heart..." Ah to be a kid in class again. I actually still say the pledge every CAP meeting. I explained to her upon request what it all means, in kids terms. We talked about Veteran's day, and she wanted to go visit Chris and her Great Grandpa. That's where things started to get very interesting.

After a visit with Christopher, we tried to find her Great Grandpa. We could NOT find it... We were about to leave when as I walked along the sidewalk I heard "STOP" in a firm way in my right ear. I asked Ahnna what she wanted as I looked to my right, but she wasn't there. As a matter of fact she wasn't anywhere near me. She was a good 100 feet away with Chris giving him a flower she found. I smiled. I knew what had just happened. I made a snap step turn 90 degrees to my right, took a few steps up the hillside, and there he was. We had a chat, or at least I had a chat with him, but I felt he was listening. We'll see what comes of it. In anycase, I think he knows I'll always be there for Ahnna like he was for Jen. I thanked him for what he did for Jennifer. He must've given everything for her, despite his condition. He's the kind of person I want to be. I'll be that for Ahnna. I'd be that for my family, anytime.

After I took Ahnna home, it was time to return to home. But first it was time to talk to Jen about her questions, Clark was there too. Well, Jen and I talked, Clark was kept quiet by Jen LOL. I know, petty I laugh at that but he wasn't really meant to be a part of that conversation and she made sure he knew it. He sat back rather sternly to watch Enterprise after she made a couple hushing gestures to quiet his justifications... Just because a child CAN cope, doesn't mean you MAKE THEM cope with something like this. You don't cause the hurt and confusion just because they can take it in the end. Besides, I don't think all the healing you predict will take place when it comes to a child, especially a little girl, seeing men come and go... Not ok in my eyes. I departed, gave many loves to little one, and that was it for my visit.

I forgot to visit Stacey, a fact that she nailed me for pretty good. I can't say I blame her. So, I head home to freshen up, and go to the city. Lindsay meets me after I can't find parking for... EVER. And we head to a parking garage. She has a plan LOL. It's off to the View, on the 39th floor of the Marriott. it was an incredible view. I still have times where, after close contact with Jen and Ahnna, that I just want to lose it. It still hits me, even on a date LOL. We head down to Mel's diner after a couple hours, and enjoy some food... I was drunk off of 2 drinks. It's so damn funny, I'm a cheap date LOL. We went to her place after that, and the next morning received a rude awakening. Mission time...

Between Redding and Eureka there's an ELT. No one is available since we're doing cadet flights in SAC, and no one BROUGHT FLIGHT SUITS. So I start my drive to Sac Exec. One pilot has his nomex and he needs an observer. I tell Lindsay that she should drive with me as the chances of me actually getting in the air is LOW, knowing what I know about long distance driving for missions. She joins with a smile on her face, I get half naked on the parking garage roof to get my flight suit on, and away we go. By the time we reach Davis, they let me know they have an observer and I'm not needed, but many thanks. TYPICAL! I wanted to be upset but it's better to get a plane in the air 30 minutes sooner versus waiting on me. We go to the airport anyway to say hello to the guys and have lunch.

At 2:30p we depart for the bay area when a commercial comes on, "Trans-Siberian Orchestra, TODAY, 2 shows only... One at 3:00pm..." I call a driving time-out in west sac in a Del Taco parking lot. At 2:39p we decide we're goin' to the show, and high-tail it to Arco Arena... With me still in my flight suit LOL. We meet people in the ticket purchasing area at 2:55 with tickets to sell... Floor 2, row S. They offer them at 2 for $60. But I need an ATM. They look me over, and say, "Well you're sitting with us, I have the feeling you're good for it!" See, uniforms are good things. It was a hell of a show. 3 straight hours of music and fun. I got a little misty here and there, when they'd talk about children being home for Christmas, and Ahnna was all I could think about. She felt it, tried to tell me it was ok... But still, it's just such an open wound. After hours of talking at Fresh Choice, we went to my place to crash and recharge for the evening.

The next day we hung out, I put some pieces together about some things Jen said to me, finalized plans to go to her place to move my stuff out, and then took a walk in the city, solo. I needed 30 minutes to get some energy out as I think about "what I want to be when I grow up." She knew as we approached her building that I needed to bolt. It was a remarkable read. Am I that obvious or is she that good at reading someone? According to Stace, she's just that good at reading. After taking her to her theater practice in Oakland, I went to Santa Rosa, grabbed a U-Haul, and went to Jen's. I was, and always will be a little miffed when the new guy is there when I am... I mean really, some consideration please? If our places were reversed, I would NEVER have another woman there when she was coming to get things from the apartment. We had a moment though, she asked if I'd be ok, we chatted for about 10 minutes after she sent Clark out to the car downstairs. A couple good hugs, we understand where things are, how the future is unwritten, that there's no intention of abandoning the other or causing hurt with any malice from now on. How the friendship is missed mutually and that's what we'll try to re-establish when we can. I said I'd have been a bad hubby, but she'd have been a bad wife right now. She teared even more... I didn't say that to hurt but I feel I struck a nerve. It's true though. We aren't ready for what we thought we were, until we can give 100%. I believe we're unstoppable at 100%. Perhaps when she can do that, she'll look me up. I can see it... that look in her eye as she says, "Hey... You... wanna grab a coffee?" Yeah, I would.

Randy was the man, helped me move in a couple hours flat... once he got there LOL. Poor guy, I owe him big. He was working hard all weekend at the winery moving cases and cases... Good guy to help. A friend I really, really want to keep. He even made sure with multiple requests that I'm playin' ball next year with OTL lol. I'm not going to be as serious this time around though. I'm lighter, faster already. BUT, I'll be even more fit in 6 months. I want to have fun and play like never before, but knowing it's ONLY A GAME. I do love baseball. It's such, a way of life. Stats/history, chance, strategy, physical, mental, situational, there's life's truths in every game. Anyone can be the hero at any time. It's what you do with your chance that matters.

Monday, I got to be alone, workout, refocus on MY life. Learned a little Jen Chapin on my new toy at home. Today I had my meeting, and returned to work. After a salad at Adel's, came back, the power was back on, and now it's time to get us some money... Then Ahnna for an hour at Borders to do homework and chill, and I'll drive home, thinking about little one and getting all sappy, and then relax as I do my bedding and laundry.

What a week huh?

Strange encounter at Jen's apartment LOL. The new guy was there in bed, surprised the crap out of me as I was going to move things out... Shook me up, I fired off a, "do you have no compassion when you know I'm going to be here..." type of text message. She apologized for it, didn't mean to rub my face in it... Yeah, just a bad start to the day. BUT what a way to start a day. LOL Randy said he's surprised I didn't kick his ass. But... WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT??? He's not doing anything wrong. He's just a sleepy dude LOL.

Everything she has done has been with the goal of pushing me away... So I'm going away, for good as far as she goes. It's the best thing for both of us if I'm really not wanted, at all. Ahnna, I'd do anything to have time with her. Given Jen makes no effort to keep us connected, doesn't pick up my calls for little one at night, doesn't call me so she can say good night, she's going to be sure I'm completely out of the picture, and there's not one god damn thing I can do about it.

I wrote a letter last night, and I'm hoping it's received the way I intended it. I'm not wanted, I get that. Seems like she doesn't want me around even the little one, so I'm leaving it all up to her. She's not a friend of mine anymore, perhaps sometime in the future she'll want to be one again and I have no idea if I'll accept it. I'm giving ALL the space that's wanted. I'm... I just said my last piece about the whole thing, made clear what I want for her (only the best) and Ahnna, and that I'm here willing to be there for the little one ANYTIME, because I love her. I'm willing to be a friend again when we can be total equals. Until then, there's nothing, not even a casual friendship. "Friends forever, no matter what happens..." Big talk there... It's a promise she couldn't keep for any number of reasons or by choice, and I'm ok with that.

Am I angry? Ummmm yeah LOL. I'm positive I was never told the complete truth. I'm sure there was someone (or a few someones) on the back burner and she simply made room to try things with new people she was lining up before she ever told me she was thinking of leaving the relationship. That Faire was her dating playground from what folks have told me. I bet those other men played off of her, and used their influence whether by yahoo chat or calls, or text messages, or face to face, and it impacted my relationship with her in a serious way, dealing it a mortal blow. Of course I'm hurt and pissed off that she did that to me when I gave her the best years of my life so far and provided ANYTHING she needed or wanted. But as someone told me it was HER choice to do those things, not my actions that caused it.

BUT...

I'm alive. I'm in better health then I have been in years. There's a giant hole in my chest, but it's actually a familiar feeling from years ago and now has nothing to do with her and short stuff, at least not directly. I know what it is now.

I've always wanted a family. A great woman that excited me, that made me look at her and not help but think, "Yeah, you're having my baby someday..." I'm 29 now. The time isn't 5 years from now, it's now. That's why I wanted to get married next year, so I could take a shot at making a life with my wife, a house somewhere in San Diego, family, giving back to the community, the whole enchilada.

I could've had that here, and it's so sad that it's not going to happen, but I don't feel I didn't try even in the worst of times, I have no regret there. If I had one wish... To have caught my not being the man I wanted to be for too long. Now that I see it, I'm making incredible, rapid progress. One thought, THANK GOD this fell apart before I proposed! It was a cute ring I designed, god bless photoshop. My birthstone, her birthstone, and a nice diamond in the middle of the two, to represent what we are when we're one. I know, "You romantic, sappy bastard LOL."

I'm not going to date Lindsay either. She's rebounding, I'm rebounding, it's a mutual step away. I'll be there to help and chat, anytime, as I know she will. We have a scary understanding of the misery the other person has been feeling, and a bond as friends first.

I saw someone being fished out of the bay recently... I guess they thought life was pretty bad. It's a LONG way down to the water from the GG bridge baby. It can feel that way, that bad, I know, but only because I know how GOOD it can be in the best of times.

The key is to not give in to the desire to reach for the best. I won't let that happen again. Perhaps I can use that unknown person's death to bring me, and others something good. Make that death have a positive impact in some way...