Interesting day, and I'm motherfucking drained now

What the fuck (WTF- I hope that enlightens those of you that don't know WTF is WHAT THE FUCK lol)?

I mean, I thought Trish was stable, but wholly crap, she was setting up to fucking hang herself. Stable my ass. Why do the ones that want to help others as a shrink, end up being the most unstable? Her computer crashed, ate her paper, and she decided it was a good day to die. It was fate telling her to check out. Don't the rest of us matter?

Call me a selfish asshole, but damnit I have feelings for her, and think it's sad, a waste, and tragic if a young girl of 22 dies by her own hand after I talk to her for 30 minutes, trying to talk her out of dying. YES, I'll be mad, YES I'll be angry, YES I'll be hurt, but so will her family and other friends. Why should I be so upset? I mean, first time in YEARS that we've even said HELLO to each other. Thats what made my trip to San Diego so interesting. A serious visit into past issues. Why do you blame me for everything, why do you treat me like everything is my fault, why are you still attracted to me??? 3 good questions if I do say so myself!

So anyway, she says shes dying today, and nothing I say will pull her back. So, I keep working on retrieving her paper from Microsoft hell.

And I did it. I recovered it

Now she's happy, now she doesn't have to die... Because I recovered her paper, she can live on another hour. Goodie Goodie Gumdrops- In the future if I can't make things better, she dies. What if I had found a way to recover that paper AFTER she was dead. Do I turn it in for her so she gets a better grade after she's dead? Do I live knowing I wasn't thinking 100% and I missed out on a chance to save a life? Do I feel mad, upset, sad, torn, annoyed, put off, etc, etc, etc? She says I sent her down this course in life. Tells me she slept with all those other men to get me off her mind. She wanted to kill herself after I stopped sleeping with her. I'm almost HAPPY I left her now; can you imagine a relationship where breaking up would mean a funeral?

I wish I could say, "It's been years since I've had to deal with something like this", but it hasn't been that long. It's been about a month. A few things happen when women get around me- 1, They gain weight- and then tell you you're a cause of it, 2, they feel worse about themselves when we part, 3, they want to die. Makes you wonder WHY you bother to have meaningful relationships after a while.

Then you think about the people in your life you can't do without. You remember why it's all worthwhile then, just like I'm doing right now. It's nice to be back home.