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My first night...
Oct. 24th, 2008 11:34 amLiving alone. No offense to Darla, but I'm alone. It's taken everything in me to not crawl under rocks when I feel like running away. And now that I've come around, I reach out to my love when I need her and she needs a friend... She crawls under a rock and kicks me out. Is there not something, a little dirty about that? "How can you ask someone else to xyz... when you're not willing to do the same?"
I have to live with a dog now, too. Ahnna would LOVE him/her, what ever it is.
Darla, love her to death, but she's sooooo jaded. She's what I'm afraid to become because of all this. Un-trusting, uncaring to a point, lonely and unwilling to fix what's hurt inside. And I'm going to get to study that first hand for the next, what, month or 2. Who knows.
The point is that this shouldn't be happening, and it is. I'm not the man I was. I'm the guy that is mission ready at the drop of a hat, calling all my pilots to go fly ASAP, my mission go-bag was re-established last night, I'm ready to help and serve. The alert list will be my next project along with my SAREX plans for the next 3 months. I'm a charged, excited person until I think about what I've lost. I'm almost, you guessed it, AFRAID of the fact that I've become a better person over 2 months, and that she doesn't want me. Makes me think maybe I changed for the worse. She loves this guy... or she never did and faked it all. Who knows.
I have to live with a dog now, too. Ahnna would LOVE him/her, what ever it is.
Darla, love her to death, but she's sooooo jaded. She's what I'm afraid to become because of all this. Un-trusting, uncaring to a point, lonely and unwilling to fix what's hurt inside. And I'm going to get to study that first hand for the next, what, month or 2. Who knows.
The point is that this shouldn't be happening, and it is. I'm not the man I was. I'm the guy that is mission ready at the drop of a hat, calling all my pilots to go fly ASAP, my mission go-bag was re-established last night, I'm ready to help and serve. The alert list will be my next project along with my SAREX plans for the next 3 months. I'm a charged, excited person until I think about what I've lost. I'm almost, you guessed it, AFRAID of the fact that I've become a better person over 2 months, and that she doesn't want me. Makes me think maybe I changed for the worse. She loves this guy... or she never did and faked it all. Who knows.
