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The past week...
Nov. 18th, 2008 02:19 pmThursday was bad at the end... back out to William Hill for a meeting... I can't discuss it but I'll say this much, in a way I was glad to have a couple extra paid days off. It really let me recharge. Remember folks... Don't disclose anything to someone you don't trust, especially co-workers you never trusted, no matter how they sound like or act like your friend, because if they don't like you, they'll use it against you later in an attempt to, in a stealthy manor, undermine you and torpedo you. It's a shame this person couldn't have just come at me with a full broadside. Instead, I have to say it was well played... Ask for info, pretend to be a friend, then use it all against you. VERY nice, never saw it coming. But, I'm afraid, it was all for not as I'm still here, alive and kicking. Karma will be sure to give you yours in the end. It kicked my butt with Jen, it'll kick theirs, too.
Friday was great, time with Ahnna, enjoying the park, her company... Some very tough questions were raised. Dad quesitons, "when will we live together again," and an even heavier question. I did what I could to let her know where the limits were, and that she's so loved it's not even funny. Love isn't a problem between mom and I. We'd do practically anything for each other, whether we're bf/gf or not. We'd be there, even now, during any emergency, lending all we can to the other person. Love, at it's purest level, is NOT a problem, and Ahnna gets all of that from both of us, and I made sure she knows it in her heart. She smiled at the end and gave me lots of hugs.
After the big questions, another one about what the pledge is... "You know, every morning when you face the flag and put your hand on your heart..." Ah to be a kid in class again. I actually still say the pledge every CAP meeting. I explained to her upon request what it all means, in kids terms. We talked about Veteran's day, and she wanted to go visit Chris and her Great Grandpa. That's where things started to get very interesting.
After a visit with Christopher, we tried to find her Great Grandpa. We could NOT find it... We were about to leave when as I walked along the sidewalk I heard "STOP" in a firm way in my right ear. I asked Ahnna what she wanted as I looked to my right, but she wasn't there. As a matter of fact she wasn't anywhere near me. She was a good 100 feet away with Chris giving him a flower she found. I smiled. I knew what had just happened. I made a snap step turn 90 degrees to my right, took a few steps up the hillside, and there he was. We had a chat, or at least I had a chat with him, but I felt he was listening. We'll see what comes of it. In anycase, I think he knows I'll always be there for Ahnna like he was for Jen. I thanked him for what he did for Jennifer. He must've given everything for her, despite his condition. He's the kind of person I want to be. I'll be that for Ahnna. I'd be that for my family, anytime.
After I took Ahnna home, it was time to return to home. But first it was time to talk to Jen about her questions, Clark was there too. Well, Jen and I talked, Clark was kept quiet by Jen LOL. I know, petty I laugh at that but he wasn't really meant to be a part of that conversation and she made sure he knew it. He sat back rather sternly to watch Enterprise after she made a couple hushing gestures to quiet his justifications... Just because a child CAN cope, doesn't mean you MAKE THEM cope with something like this. You don't cause the hurt and confusion just because they can take it in the end. Besides, I don't think all the healing you predict will take place when it comes to a child, especially a little girl, seeing men come and go... Not ok in my eyes. I departed, gave many loves to little one, and that was it for my visit.
I forgot to visit Stacey, a fact that she nailed me for pretty good. I can't say I blame her. So, I head home to freshen up, and go to the city. Lindsay meets me after I can't find parking for... EVER. And we head to a parking garage. She has a plan LOL. It's off to the View, on the 39th floor of the Marriott. it was an incredible view. I still have times where, after close contact with Jen and Ahnna, that I just want to lose it. It still hits me, even on a date LOL. We head down to Mel's diner after a couple hours, and enjoy some food... I was drunk off of 2 drinks. It's so damn funny, I'm a cheap date LOL. We went to her place after that, and the next morning received a rude awakening. Mission time...
Between Redding and Eureka there's an ELT. No one is available since we're doing cadet flights in SAC, and no one BROUGHT FLIGHT SUITS. So I start my drive to Sac Exec. One pilot has his nomex and he needs an observer. I tell Lindsay that she should drive with me as the chances of me actually getting in the air is LOW, knowing what I know about long distance driving for missions. She joins with a smile on her face, I get half naked on the parking garage roof to get my flight suit on, and away we go. By the time we reach Davis, they let me know they have an observer and I'm not needed, but many thanks. TYPICAL! I wanted to be upset but it's better to get a plane in the air 30 minutes sooner versus waiting on me. We go to the airport anyway to say hello to the guys and have lunch.
At 2:30p we depart for the bay area when a commercial comes on, "Trans-Siberian Orchestra, TODAY, 2 shows only... One at 3:00pm..." I call a driving time-out in west sac in a Del Taco parking lot. At 2:39p we decide we're goin' to the show, and high-tail it to Arco Arena... With me still in my flight suit LOL. We meet people in the ticket purchasing area at 2:55 with tickets to sell... Floor 2, row S. They offer them at 2 for $60. But I need an ATM. They look me over, and say, "Well you're sitting with us, I have the feeling you're good for it!" See, uniforms are good things. It was a hell of a show. 3 straight hours of music and fun. I got a little misty here and there, when they'd talk about children being home for Christmas, and Ahnna was all I could think about. She felt it, tried to tell me it was ok... But still, it's just such an open wound. After hours of talking at Fresh Choice, we went to my place to crash and recharge for the evening.
The next day we hung out, I put some pieces together about some things Jen said to me, finalized plans to go to her place to move my stuff out, and then took a walk in the city, solo. I needed 30 minutes to get some energy out as I think about "what I want to be when I grow up." She knew as we approached her building that I needed to bolt. It was a remarkable read. Am I that obvious or is she that good at reading someone? According to Stace, she's just that good at reading. After taking her to her theater practice in Oakland, I went to Santa Rosa, grabbed a U-Haul, and went to Jen's. I was, and always will be a little miffed when the new guy is there when I am... I mean really, some consideration please? If our places were reversed, I would NEVER have another woman there when she was coming to get things from the apartment. We had a moment though, she asked if I'd be ok, we chatted for about 10 minutes after she sent Clark out to the car downstairs. A couple good hugs, we understand where things are, how the future is unwritten, that there's no intention of abandoning the other or causing hurt with any malice from now on. How the friendship is missed mutually and that's what we'll try to re-establish when we can. I said I'd have been a bad hubby, but she'd have been a bad wife right now. She teared even more... I didn't say that to hurt but I feel I struck a nerve. It's true though. We aren't ready for what we thought we were, until we can give 100%. I believe we're unstoppable at 100%. Perhaps when she can do that, she'll look me up. I can see it... that look in her eye as she says, "Hey... You... wanna grab a coffee?" Yeah, I would.
Randy was the man, helped me move in a couple hours flat... once he got there LOL. Poor guy, I owe him big. He was working hard all weekend at the winery moving cases and cases... Good guy to help. A friend I really, really want to keep. He even made sure with multiple requests that I'm playin' ball next year with OTL lol. I'm not going to be as serious this time around though. I'm lighter, faster already. BUT, I'll be even more fit in 6 months. I want to have fun and play like never before, but knowing it's ONLY A GAME. I do love baseball. It's such, a way of life. Stats/history, chance, strategy, physical, mental, situational, there's life's truths in every game. Anyone can be the hero at any time. It's what you do with your chance that matters.
Monday, I got to be alone, workout, refocus on MY life. Learned a little Jen Chapin on my new toy at home. Today I had my meeting, and returned to work. After a salad at Adel's, came back, the power was back on, and now it's time to get us some money... Then Ahnna for an hour at Borders to do homework and chill, and I'll drive home, thinking about little one and getting all sappy, and then relax as I do my bedding and laundry.
What a week huh?
Friday was great, time with Ahnna, enjoying the park, her company... Some very tough questions were raised. Dad quesitons, "when will we live together again," and an even heavier question. I did what I could to let her know where the limits were, and that she's so loved it's not even funny. Love isn't a problem between mom and I. We'd do practically anything for each other, whether we're bf/gf or not. We'd be there, even now, during any emergency, lending all we can to the other person. Love, at it's purest level, is NOT a problem, and Ahnna gets all of that from both of us, and I made sure she knows it in her heart. She smiled at the end and gave me lots of hugs.
After the big questions, another one about what the pledge is... "You know, every morning when you face the flag and put your hand on your heart..." Ah to be a kid in class again. I actually still say the pledge every CAP meeting. I explained to her upon request what it all means, in kids terms. We talked about Veteran's day, and she wanted to go visit Chris and her Great Grandpa. That's where things started to get very interesting.
After a visit with Christopher, we tried to find her Great Grandpa. We could NOT find it... We were about to leave when as I walked along the sidewalk I heard "STOP" in a firm way in my right ear. I asked Ahnna what she wanted as I looked to my right, but she wasn't there. As a matter of fact she wasn't anywhere near me. She was a good 100 feet away with Chris giving him a flower she found. I smiled. I knew what had just happened. I made a snap step turn 90 degrees to my right, took a few steps up the hillside, and there he was. We had a chat, or at least I had a chat with him, but I felt he was listening. We'll see what comes of it. In anycase, I think he knows I'll always be there for Ahnna like he was for Jen. I thanked him for what he did for Jennifer. He must've given everything for her, despite his condition. He's the kind of person I want to be. I'll be that for Ahnna. I'd be that for my family, anytime.
After I took Ahnna home, it was time to return to home. But first it was time to talk to Jen about her questions, Clark was there too. Well, Jen and I talked, Clark was kept quiet by Jen LOL. I know, petty I laugh at that but he wasn't really meant to be a part of that conversation and she made sure he knew it. He sat back rather sternly to watch Enterprise after she made a couple hushing gestures to quiet his justifications... Just because a child CAN cope, doesn't mean you MAKE THEM cope with something like this. You don't cause the hurt and confusion just because they can take it in the end. Besides, I don't think all the healing you predict will take place when it comes to a child, especially a little girl, seeing men come and go... Not ok in my eyes. I departed, gave many loves to little one, and that was it for my visit.
I forgot to visit Stacey, a fact that she nailed me for pretty good. I can't say I blame her. So, I head home to freshen up, and go to the city. Lindsay meets me after I can't find parking for... EVER. And we head to a parking garage. She has a plan LOL. It's off to the View, on the 39th floor of the Marriott. it was an incredible view. I still have times where, after close contact with Jen and Ahnna, that I just want to lose it. It still hits me, even on a date LOL. We head down to Mel's diner after a couple hours, and enjoy some food... I was drunk off of 2 drinks. It's so damn funny, I'm a cheap date LOL. We went to her place after that, and the next morning received a rude awakening. Mission time...
Between Redding and Eureka there's an ELT. No one is available since we're doing cadet flights in SAC, and no one BROUGHT FLIGHT SUITS. So I start my drive to Sac Exec. One pilot has his nomex and he needs an observer. I tell Lindsay that she should drive with me as the chances of me actually getting in the air is LOW, knowing what I know about long distance driving for missions. She joins with a smile on her face, I get half naked on the parking garage roof to get my flight suit on, and away we go. By the time we reach Davis, they let me know they have an observer and I'm not needed, but many thanks. TYPICAL! I wanted to be upset but it's better to get a plane in the air 30 minutes sooner versus waiting on me. We go to the airport anyway to say hello to the guys and have lunch.
At 2:30p we depart for the bay area when a commercial comes on, "Trans-Siberian Orchestra, TODAY, 2 shows only... One at 3:00pm..." I call a driving time-out in west sac in a Del Taco parking lot. At 2:39p we decide we're goin' to the show, and high-tail it to Arco Arena... With me still in my flight suit LOL. We meet people in the ticket purchasing area at 2:55 with tickets to sell... Floor 2, row S. They offer them at 2 for $60. But I need an ATM. They look me over, and say, "Well you're sitting with us, I have the feeling you're good for it!" See, uniforms are good things. It was a hell of a show. 3 straight hours of music and fun. I got a little misty here and there, when they'd talk about children being home for Christmas, and Ahnna was all I could think about. She felt it, tried to tell me it was ok... But still, it's just such an open wound. After hours of talking at Fresh Choice, we went to my place to crash and recharge for the evening.
The next day we hung out, I put some pieces together about some things Jen said to me, finalized plans to go to her place to move my stuff out, and then took a walk in the city, solo. I needed 30 minutes to get some energy out as I think about "what I want to be when I grow up." She knew as we approached her building that I needed to bolt. It was a remarkable read. Am I that obvious or is she that good at reading someone? According to Stace, she's just that good at reading. After taking her to her theater practice in Oakland, I went to Santa Rosa, grabbed a U-Haul, and went to Jen's. I was, and always will be a little miffed when the new guy is there when I am... I mean really, some consideration please? If our places were reversed, I would NEVER have another woman there when she was coming to get things from the apartment. We had a moment though, she asked if I'd be ok, we chatted for about 10 minutes after she sent Clark out to the car downstairs. A couple good hugs, we understand where things are, how the future is unwritten, that there's no intention of abandoning the other or causing hurt with any malice from now on. How the friendship is missed mutually and that's what we'll try to re-establish when we can. I said I'd have been a bad hubby, but she'd have been a bad wife right now. She teared even more... I didn't say that to hurt but I feel I struck a nerve. It's true though. We aren't ready for what we thought we were, until we can give 100%. I believe we're unstoppable at 100%. Perhaps when she can do that, she'll look me up. I can see it... that look in her eye as she says, "Hey... You... wanna grab a coffee?" Yeah, I would.
Randy was the man, helped me move in a couple hours flat... once he got there LOL. Poor guy, I owe him big. He was working hard all weekend at the winery moving cases and cases... Good guy to help. A friend I really, really want to keep. He even made sure with multiple requests that I'm playin' ball next year with OTL lol. I'm not going to be as serious this time around though. I'm lighter, faster already. BUT, I'll be even more fit in 6 months. I want to have fun and play like never before, but knowing it's ONLY A GAME. I do love baseball. It's such, a way of life. Stats/history, chance, strategy, physical, mental, situational, there's life's truths in every game. Anyone can be the hero at any time. It's what you do with your chance that matters.
Monday, I got to be alone, workout, refocus on MY life. Learned a little Jen Chapin on my new toy at home. Today I had my meeting, and returned to work. After a salad at Adel's, came back, the power was back on, and now it's time to get us some money... Then Ahnna for an hour at Borders to do homework and chill, and I'll drive home, thinking about little one and getting all sappy, and then relax as I do my bedding and laundry.
What a week huh?
